May 13 - The Carefree Gourmet
Aunt Aggie
by Joyce McCombs

Our guest columnist this week is Aunt Aggie, long time area resident and genuine smart person who kindly offered to help answer some of the more interesting letters from the CG mail bag this week.
Aggie lives somewhere in the vicinity of Shaw Creek and the Ag project, and Fort Greely and Clearwater. She motors about in a late model four-wheel drive pickup and lists her hobbies as competitive gardening and power lifting. She’s a past president of the Greater Area Female Gun Lovers and Embroidery Club and may or may not have been a contestant in a national beauty pageant.

Her husband, Uncle Buf, a renowned hunter gatherer, owns a wicked fast aluminum boat and is the proud inventor of the world’s best brine recipe for smoked salmon, not that he’s going to share it with you. Aggie and Buf have some kids, a few dogs, various livestock and very clear ideas about What is Right, which they are happy to share with anyone who cares to listen or needs to be told.

Dear Aunt Aggie,
I am not an early riser, but I am certainly not lazy either! It just takes me a couple of hours to get organized and to put on enough cosmetics so I don’t scare small children and elderly nuns. Here’s my problem. My very sweet neighbor likes to drop in now and then for morning coffee, often just after dawn. I am afraid sometimes she thinks I am being Rude and Sullen, when really I am just Sleepy and Foggy. I like her so much, and I do want her to visit, just not before the chickens are up, if you get my meaning. Can you help?

--Dazed in Delta

Dear Dazed,
Nothing scorches my scallions more than a tricky situation like this! Even if you arrive bearing warm cinnamon rolls, some people just can’t relax and swap gossip while wearing a bathrobe. The solution is simple. You just need a signal that you both agree means “Ok to visit”. In my neck of the woods, if the front room shades are closed, it means nobody is up yet. Or you could try setting a definite time and date and see how that goes. Either way, it’s worth it to stay on good terms with this neighbor lady, she sounds like a peach to me! - A. A.

Dear Aunt Aggie,
I’m so confused! I go to college up in the Big City and I often come home for weekend visits to hang out with my pals and so we can run around doing Alaskan Things. Mom always taught me to send a thank you note if someone had me over for a meal but does this include things like impromptu hot dog roasts on the riverbank? What about being asked to join in a taffy pull after I’ve helped clear some brush off the back forty? And does helping grind and pack moose burger count as an activity or as dinner, especially if we have a sample afterwards? You know how things are in Delta – everyone is so friendly and wants to feed starving college types like myself. I don’t want folks to think I am Impolite, nor do I want them to think I am Overly Polite and kind of Nerdy. Please advise soonest!

--Unsure @ UAF

Dear Unsure,
Why you sweet thing! Your old Auntie’s heart is melting faster than the ice pack on Quartz Lake reading your note and I can tell already you are not Nerdy in the least. First of all, your Mom was right and gets a gold star from me for teaching you about thank you notes, which are always correct and unfortunately becoming rather scarce. As for being Overly Polite, I don’t think it’s possible, especially these days when even a plain old “Please” and “Thank you” aren’t heard often enough. Go buy a bunch of amusing postcards (souvenir places are great for this) and stock up on 29 cent stamps and dash off a couple of lines of genuine thanks and drop it in the mail. It’ll take less than five minutes, you’ll feel good about it and the folks that find a hand written note in their mailbox will marvel for a week at your thoughtfulness. Wouldn’t you feel swell if you got an unexpected card in your mailbox at the dorm? You’re smiling already, aren’t you?
– A. A.

Dear Aunt Aggie,
Help! I have been invited to a genuine Dinner Party, involving linen napkins, fine china and something called sterling silver. I am terrified of using the wrong fork or of spilling something on another guest. I am sure I won’t any Clever Conversation to share, as I am just an Ordinary Person. What if there is a challenging food to eat, like corn on the cob, fried chicken or olives with pits? If there are finger bowls, I just know I will have an attack of The Vapors and have to be removed from the table, as I haven’t the faintest idea what to do with them! Should I bring a hostess gift? How long should I stay and how will I know when it is time to leave?
--Nervous on Nistler Road

Dear Nervous,
Before you get your croissants in a crumble, honey, you need to calm down! Dinner Parties are lovely, not terrifying events. Hostesses who actually own linen napkins, fine china and sterling silver are very good at putting guests At Ease, or no one would attend their Dinner Parties! Just relax, take a deep breath and read on.
Using the wrong fork is the least of your worries, since I’m betting there will only be two at your place setting - the smaller salad fork and the larger dinner fork, just like in your finer restaurants, where I’m sure you’ve been before. If you spy a wee fork and spoon directly north of your dinner plate, leave them there for the time being as they are for dessert, which is undoubtedly going to be very nice. As for Clever Conversation, you can’t go wrong with books, movies, music and the weather. Politics and religion can be a bit dicey, unless you know for sure everyone is on the same page, and even then you can have some pretty animated discussions about what goes on in Juneau or behind the scenes at the Christmas Pageant.
Challenging foods are no problem, since your hostess only serves corn on the cob or fried chicken on informal occasions that call for paper napkins, and she only serves pitted olives. These days, finger bowls are more likely to be found filled with potpourri and scattered about the room than actually seen on the dining table. A hostess gift is always lovely, especially if it’s a loaf of your yummy homemade bread, a jar of your best jam or a box of good chocolates. You will know exactly how long to stay and when to leave because either the host or hostess will say it’s been a lovely evening and thank you so much for coming to dinner and offer to fetch coats and wraps from the back bedroom. Take the gentle hint, thank them for the lovely time, and trot on home, and be proud you did not make A Spectacle of yourself. – A. A.

Dear Aunt Aggie,
Excuse me, please, for bothering you, but I have been noticing that other Boys besides me seem worried about assisting Girls anymore and wondered if you had an opinion on this? I realize that Today’s Girls can open their own doors, manage mutual funds, and change bungee cords on the pickup without the help of a Boy and I admire them greatly for this. However, helping someone with these small tasks doesn’t mean I have an Ulterior Motive! It just means I was taught to be Polite, Kind and Thoughtful to folks around me, and I thought this included Girls, though some of them think I am kind of Dumb for being this way. The last Girl I held a door for gave me such a Nasty Look that it made me feel like a Shameless Cad and it’s making me rethink this whole Good Manners Thing. Is it just old-fashioned nonsense? Am I out of step with the times? Should I cease and desist?
Thank you so very much.

--Baffled in Big D

Dear Baffled,
Merciful heavens! Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING mashes my spuds more than Bad Manners. If you think for one minute that Good Manners are out of fashion, let me enlighten you. Manners will never go out of style, neither will the good feelings that result from their frequent use. Opening a door for anyone, be they lovely Girl, charming Boy or rapidly aging Auntie, is simple human kindness. Ditto offering a simple “Thank you” for the gesture. Being given a Nasty Look by a young woman who forgot her manners toward you is not your fault, it is her fault, and with any luck she will realize the error of her ways and apologize to you very soon.
Perhaps a short example from Auntie’s exciting social past will illustrate the impact that Good Manners can have on Polite Society. Once, when shopping in a Very Swanky Department Store in the Lower 48, I entered an elevator to ascend to the tearoom on the sixth floor to meet a friend for lunch. A certain gentleman was already in said elevator, noticed my arms were full of purchases and asked in a very pleasant manner “Floor?” and proceeded to punch the correct button for me. He then, and I am not making this up, TOOK OF HIS HAT. He held it calmly at his side while we silently rode upwards. We arrived at the fifth floor, he departed the elevator, and after donning his hat and in the most elegant way you can imagine, lifted his finger to the brim in a small salutation to me. The door closed, I was alone on my ride to the tearoom, and I can you I was glowing inside and out for the rest of the day. I felt cherished and respected and delighted that a perfect stranger, a genuine gentleman had removed his hat in the presence of a lady out of simple politeness. I wanted to phone his mother at once to thank her. I wanted to contact his wife to tell her how fortunate she was. I wanted to bequeath all my worldly goods to his favorite charities, and I wanted to send his children to Ivy League schools, I was just that impressed.
So you can see that, yes, Good Manners are still important. In fact, Manners are vital if we are to have any kind of society continue on in this old world, and I am not the only Aunt who thinks so. I say offer to help whenever possible, and don’t be pushy about it, just sincere. Chances are the Girl of your dreams is already reading this and desperate to know there is such a charming and available young fellow so close at hand. I’d clear my social calendar if I were you.
– A. A.

Dear Aunt Aggie,
Now and then I write a little column on cooking related topics for my local paper but this week I was kind of busy and couldn’t come up with anything to say. Do you think my readers will mind if I stray from the usual path and do something a little different this week? I don’t want to make them worry that I’ve lost my touch, but then again, a girl can only look at so many magazines and cookbooks before she starts seeing recipes in her sleep. Also, do you have any idea how to make that artichoke dip that I can’t seem to get enough of at Janine Todd’s house? I wish it wasn’t so tasty, but then again, if it wasn’t, why do we all dive headfirst into the bowl each time? If I don’t share at least one recipe, people tend to get cranky by the time they read this far.
By the way, I love your writing and I think you’re Just Darling.
Thanks awfully much,

Carefree in Clearwater

Dear Carefree,
Nothing crisps my bacon like a juicy compliment! I’m blushing as I read your sweet letter and can only assume you’re a woman with Impeccable Taste in Literature. I’m sure your readers won’t mind a bit of variety, as it’s not only the Spice of Life, but the very thing that keeps Auntie amused on those long dark winter nights. After all, I can’t expect Uncle Buf to play Scrabble with me every minute, and playing Poker over the Internet can get boring in a big hurry! Here’s the recipe, and be sure to say hello to that Janine for me – she just never calls.
-A.A.

Hot Artichoke Dip
1 can artichoke hearts (not marinated, just plain)
1 1/2 cups Mayonnaise
A squeeze of fresh lemon juice
3 minced garlic cloves
1 cup Parmesan cheese
Mash the artichoke hearts first in the food processor or quarter them and use a fork if you want a coarser texture. Then add everything else and mix well. Spread in a buttered casserole dish and bake at 375 until top is golden and the whole works bubbles and smells divine. Spread on crackers or melba toast.

Dear Aunt A,
Thanks for the recipe! You’ve saved the day! From what I understand, it’s not the first time either! I’ve heard for years you can stack stove wood faster than people half your age, and that your high bush cranberry elixir is good for whatever Ails One, as long as One has a Strong Stomach to begin with! The only thing that is worrying me now is my tendency to use too many exclamation points when I write letters! I don’t know what to do!
Carefree, again!

Dear C,
Just simmer down or I’ll start calling you Hysteria after my oldest daughter. That girl can whip more than an egg into a frenzy, let me tell you. It was my pleasure to help you out this week. You take care now and wave next time you drive by the place – that’s me looking out the window making sure the world is behaving itself.

-A. A.

  

Index to Carefree Gourmet Articles

Sourdough Sensations June 29, 2007

Kitty Treats June 29, 2007

Dog Treats April 20, 2007

Sandwich Plan March 23, 2007

Carefree Wacky Ingredients March 8, 2007

Homestead Hearth January 25, 2007

Carefree Cooking 101 January 11, 2007

Holiday Punch December 23, 2006

Holiday Treats December 12, 2006

Thanksgiving II November 20, 2006

Standby Favorites October 16, 2006

Cabbage October 11, 2006

Apples September 22, 2006

Kids Cook July 6, 2006

Wacky Tips June 8, 2006

Graduation May 11, 2006

African Cuisine April 13, 2006

A Bit of Irish March 23, 2006

Crazy for Carrots March 9, 2006

February Vacation February 23, 2006

Easy Budget January 12, 2006

Christmas Treats December 22, 2005

Sweet Surprises December 8, 2005

Turkey Times  November 22, 2005

Grand Champions - Part 2 - October 13, 2005

Janet Boyer September 22, 2005

Grand Champions September 5, 2005

Blueberries  August 12, 2005

Halibut and Zukes July 28, 2005

Orange Juice July 14, 2005

Happy Birthday June 30, 2005

Honey June 9, 2005

Picnic Dishes May 26, 2005

Celebration Salads May 12, 2005

Kraft Foods April 21, 2005

Shrimp April 7, 2005

Carry on Airline snacks March 25, 2005

Sandwiches March 10, 2005

Back from Vacation February 24, 2005

Super Bowl Snack Attack  January 14, 2005

Ginger Snaps December 29, 2004

Christmas Memories - December 12, 2004

Thanksgiving November 23, 2004

Glen and Meat  October 29, 2004

Blueberry Pie Champion  September 30, 2004

Fair Winners  September 2, 2004

Glen's Knives June 11, 2004

Aunt Aggie Tells All... May 13, 2004

Crazy About Catsup April 29, 2004

Carefree Clearance Special April 8, 2004

Seattle Adventure March 26, 2004

Vegas, part 2 March 12, 2004

Vegas Wind February 12, 2004

Casserole Bonanza January 11, 2004

No Fuss Dishes  December 19, 2003

Fake and Bake Christmas  December 11, 2003