Chinook
by George Hosier II  - June 2, 2008

National Security

Did everyone read the May 12 story about the terrorist they discovered down in Texas? It makes my blood run cold to think that while we are fighting the War on Terror half way around the world, the enemy has been hard at work here in the Homeland.

The best I can interpret the story; this apparent member of the Texan branch of Al-Queda had been operating for quite some time as a deep sleeper agent. We tend to think of terrorists as swarthy guys in woodland camo BDU jackets, white turbans, and long beards. We think of them with a crazed look in their eyes brandishing an AK-47 in one hand and a copy of the Qur’an in the other. Not so, this fiendishly clever operator. He goes by the innocuous American sounding name of “Jeff” and attends a large Bible college in east Texas. He is also serving as the interim pastor of a small Christian church in Mount Vernon, Texas. A brilliant cover, I must admit.

Fortunately, our terrorism experts were up to the task and skillfully ferreted out this provocateur before he was able to wire a bomb to an armadillo and shoo it into a busy Texas intersection or something. Evidently, Jeff blew his cover when he was tasked with the role of giving a tour to a group of Boy Scouts that were visiting the college. The tour was supposed to focus on how patriotism and liberty are emphasized in the teaching style of the university.

Jeff had somehow wormed his way into the trusted position as advisor in the college office. When he found himself with a captive audience of impressionable, innocent little American boys, I guess he just wasn’t able to suppress his urge to spew propaganda. Without warning he began to encourage his young victims to educate themselves about the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights!

I can visualize him now. A glazed look creeps into his eye. He swivels suddenly to face Mecca, and throws back his head to release a chilling, diabolical guffaw. “BWAAAH HA HA HA!” I can see his trigger finger twitching convulsively as if yearning to feel the cold curved steel of a Kalashnikov trigger.

Then he fixes his hypnotic gaze upon the closest little Boy Scout, and the torrent of terroristic jargon begins to spew unchecked from his bloated lips. “It’s going to be you who is going to take this country and either make it or break it.” To emphasize his point, he jabs a bony forefinger into the terrified youngster’s quivering face. “You need to get back to your Constitution, you need to get to know your Bill of Rights and you need to stand up for them.”

Thankfully, a crop-haired, neckless Scoutmaster with a “Semper Fi” tattoo had the presence of mind to hit the record button on a device he just happened to have hidden in his pocket. It was just in time, too, because the next words out of Jeff’s mouth were the most chilling of all.

Intoxicated by his own hate, Jeff blurted out that the government was fast usurping the freedoms enumerated in the Bill of Rights, mentioning the USA Patriot Act as a case in point. “They’re stripping us of what we know to be America. What you need to do is re-orient yourself to the Constitution, because that is the founding basis of our government and it is the supreme law of the land.” Then, no doubt exhausted by his tirade, he must have slumped into a chair and waved dismissively at the stunned group. “Leave me. I have to brood now!”

It is difficult to understand why a carefully placed Al-Queda agent would throw away all of the painstaking preparatory work it must have required to get him placed in such a sensitive position. I can only speculate that people like Jeff simply cannot grasp the fundamental principles that truly make this nation great. Truisms like “security at any cost”, “if you have nothing to hide, why should you care”, and “the Government knows what is best for you--they have information that we don’t have access to” are beyond the capacity of small minds like Jeff’s to even begin to comprehend.

I suppose that Jeff thought he could get away with voicing his opinion because of the First Amendment, which reads, “Congress shall make no law… abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people … to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” Fixated as he was on trying to indoctrinate good Americans with the relevence of the Bill of Rights and US Constitution, his own weapon became the trap which exposed him.

The next day, Jeff was summoned into the university administrative office. There he was met by college officials, a Texas State Trooper and two noble and tireless public servants, dressed modestly in dark suits and sunglasses. The public servants declined to identify themselves, not desiring recognition or praise for their heroic efforts. Leaving the Trooper to guard the office door they fearlessly entered the office to face the terrorist.

Jeff was confronted with a printed version of his Boy Scout talk, transcribed from the Scoutmaster’s recording device and asked to verify if the transcription was accurate. Had he indeed talked to the Boy Scouts about the Constitution the previous day? Caught red-handed, Jeff was unable to deny the evidence. The anonymous protectors of our freedom then informed him that he was guilty of committing acts of “terror and espionage”. They left no room for doubt that such reprehensible behavior would not be tolerated. "If you say anything, do anything, continue to talk about these kind of things, we can have your head on a silver platter and the University's head on a silver platter and all the programs they've got going on."

I am grateful for the tremendous service that countless unsung heroes like these anonymous men in black are providing for myself and future generations of Americans. I am sure that for every terrorist like Jeff that makes the news, several dozen other incidents are handled without fanfare as our government roots out threats to our security both at home and abroad. Although I don’t know who those dark-suited men were who stood up to evil in that college office that day, I suspect they came from the FBI or the Department of Homeland Security. I thank you, Men in Sunglasses everywhere!

That being said, I would like to perform my civic duty. Through my research work as a freelance writer, I have become aware of some other individuals and groups who also pose a clear and present danger to the American way of life, as we know it. Allegiance to the Constitution appears to be a far more widespread problem than most folks suspect. Therefore, I feel it imperative to expose some of the most insidious traitors and terrorist organizations active in our country today. Hopefully the information I provide here will lead to the arrest and prosecution of these entities to the fullest extent of the law.

While Jeff was being questioned, the Scoutmaster and the entire Boy Scout troop were allowed to roam free. This is inexcusable. According to BSA requirements for the Citizenship in the Nation merit badge, Scouts must “Discuss the rights, duties, and obligations of a responsible and active American citizen.” Furthermore, they must discuss the Declaration of Independence, the Preamble to the Constitution, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the Amendments to the Constitution with their counselor and tell him how they feel life in the United States might be different without each one.

This is not an optional merit badge! The Citizenship in the Nation merit badge is required to qualify for Eagle. Clearly, this organization is a terrorist training cell. I recommend that all Scoutmasters be arrested, and all Boy Scouts be immediately removed from their homes and placed into the Texas Child Welfare system until the perpetrators can be sorted out from the victims.

Next, I urge the immediate arrest of all Texas State Troopers. To get the job, these terrorists must solemnly swear or affirm: “…that I will…do the best of my ability to preserve protect and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States and of this state, so help me God.” You can’t get any more blatant with that. The oath even contains a radical religious statement.

It doesn’t end there, unfortunately. The men in black, themselves, assuming they were federal employees on the payroll of the FBI or DHS were required to swear this oath: “I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.”

Shockingly, This oath is also taken by the Vice President, members of the Cabinet, and all other civil and military officers and federal employees other than the President. Oh, wait a second! I spoke too soon. Even the President may not be free of the taint. Listen to the Presidential oath: "I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

The whole lot of them are guilty of “terror and espionage”. I’m not sure if our nation can recover from a terrorist infiltration of this magnitude. I suggest that the entire country voluntarily report to Gitmo! Immediately!

It’s the dang Founding Fathers’ fault, you know. Ben Franklin had the effrontery to say, “Any people that would give up liberty for a little temporary safety deserves neither liberty nor safety." John Adams didn’t hide where his sympathies lay, either: "Our constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other." Oh, NO! He’s talking about me! I have always considered myself both moral and religious. I must be a mind controlled Al-Queda drone. For the good of our country, somebody please detain me before I break out into quotations of the Constitution in a crowded subway or something!
 

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